A funny thing happened the other morning as I was enjoying my coffee and taking in the pretty, greening back yard. Two tree swallows flew in the porch door I left open.

The birds darted around our open living space, tying to find a way out. I immediately opened all the windows and doors and one of the swallows flew right off.

The other one kept flying up into the vaulted ceiling and everywhere except through the many open windows and doors. Poor thing, it was rattled and couldn’t find it’s way.

The experience made me think how as humans – when we are faced with a problem, or feel trapped in a situation – we can often feel overwhelmed and unable to see positive ways forward.

Not because we’re stupid, lack resilience or have something fundamentally wrong with us, but because we keep ratcheting up our thinking in those moments – trying harder and harder to solve our problems with the same thinking that’s gotten us nowhere – when actually pausing, getting still and letting our head clear would be more helpful.

Time and again I’ve seen that fresh thinking, perfect for what we are facing, is most likely to show up when we are in a curious, open state of mind instead of doggedly thinking harder.

Deep down we all innately know that’s true, the same way we know that if we’re driving along on the highway and suddenly get heavy downpours of rain, that slowing down and/or pulling off till it passes makes much more sense then speeding up and going faster.

… and as humans it’s easy to forget it works that way when we’re desperate for a solution.

Case in point, back to my bird story, I found myself getting worked up when I couldn’t help the second swallow find its way out. Finally, after about ten minutes of trying, it occurred to me to just stop.

That feeling of increasing stress as I racked my brain trying to think of some other way to show the bird out alerted me that I needed to back off.

I gathered my computer and coffee and headed into my office, leaving the tree swallow alone to sense it’s own way out sans a crazy lady zipping about.

I have to say it felt nice to stop trying and just sit quietly in my office chair for a bit. When I looked out about five minutes later, sure enough, my little bird friend had flown away.

Connecting with that inner quiet refreshed me and appeared to do the same for the swallow, allowing it to clearly see the way out.

As Dicken Bettinger PhD and practitioner, Natasha Swerdloff, share in their beautiful book, Coming Home – connecting to inner quiet via a reflective, curious mind:

“… reveals an inner world of beautiful feelings such as peace, joy, happiness, compassion, and gratitude. It reveals the richness of living fully in the now. It reveals a higher order of thinking with the characteristics such as clarity, insight, perspective, motivation, inspiration, creativity, and common sense solutions to your daily challenges.”

What if we ALL have an ceaseless connection to that ‘inner world’ of beautiful feelings and common sense solutions even when we don’t see or feel it in a moment?

As you pause and reflect, a rich new world appears …

Who are you?

We often think of ourselves as the things we do, our job, or the roles we play; Mother, father, teacher, sister, brother, the type of work we do (or don’t do), a retired person …

We think we are our history and what happened to us.
We think we are our genetic makeup.
We think we are our opinions. I like vanilla ice cream. I don’t like cabbage.
We think we are our political party.
We think we are our body.
We think we are our age.
We think we are our socioeconomic status.
We think we are our current feeling state: happy, sad, angry, grateful, despondent …

But what if who we are isn’t any of those things?

What if who you are is wisdom itself: the formless, creative energy of all life.

Temporarily housed in a wonderful human body, connected to everyone and everything in the universe.

Whole and perfect. Unchanging. Always.

All the different forms we see in the world and universe are made of the same formless, wise, infinite energy showing up in different disguises.

What if nothing, no experience in life, can diminish or enhance you? Because who you are at your core is eternal and immutable.

Wouldn’t that be wonderful news?

Seems to me that all suffering in life comes from innocently misunderstanding who we are.

When we think who we are is associated with the forms and beliefs like the ones I listed above, and then those things change or appear not to be going well – people don’t respect our opinion, or we’re not in the ‘right’ feeling, then it looks like we can be diminished by those experiences.

Or on the flip side, if all those things seem to be going well, people agree with us, and we are in the ‘right’ feeling then it looks like we are enhanced by those experiences.

But what if it never worked that way?

What if your TRUE NATURE, the wisdom that you ARE isn’t ever on the line? It can’t be damaged.

What I’ve seen is that when I remember who I really am, engaging in life and different roles becomes significantly more enjoyable and richer, because I KNOW my wellbeing isn’t attached to a specific outcome. I can just allow myself to BE. Knowing that the wisdom of life we all arise from is ever flowing and present moment to moment no matter what we are facing.

Seek without seeking, for
what you hope to attain is
already within you. 

~ Sydney Banks, The Missing Link 

Ode to Spring Peepers

(My beloved frog friends)

I’m yearning for the call of the spring peepers.
The smell of the warming damp earth.
The robin’s hopping around.
The geese honking and flying overhead.
The longer light filled days.

But especially the peepers.

They signal to my delighted soul that Winter is saying good bye and passing the seasonal baton onto Spring.
My ears are open.
Waiting.
Listening for that first peep to hit my awareness.
And then, the symphony that dances and beckons spring into place.
Those beautiful little creatures with imagined choir robes swaying to the flow and rhythms of awakening life.

Calling us to emerge from our sleepy winters rest.
Their song starts with a single voice.
Then two.
Then three.
Then a thousand.
Gently washing the winter away with the melody of awakening hope and joy.
Watering the spring seeds of creation.
Whispering to them to bloom.
To shine.
Asking us to come together and share our brilliant colors
to sing, swaying and moving
… opening … opening

Calling forth what wants to be born.
Rejoicing at the wonder and magic of it all.
Celebrating with their song.
Welcoming that which winter has lovingly held for us into the light.

 

I was recently reflecting on my last blog post about the ‘one big thing’ I learned that changed my life. If you missed it, you can read it here.

The one big thing I learned is: Real wisdom comes with a nice feeling.

What I was pointing to with that is that, if you are like me and humans in general, you have tons of thoughts and scenarios that play out in your mind all day long, some that feel good and others that don’t. Getting a feel for what thoughts and ideas you can trust and are nourishing and helpful for whatever you’re facing in the moment is invaluable.

The insight that real wisdom comes with a nice feeling has been a guiding compass for me. It helps me determine what kinds of thinking I can dismiss (like the kind that comes with an icky feeling) versus what is showing up via a nice feeling helping to guide and support me.

The helpful paradox that I’m seeing now is, wisdom is present in the not so good feeling and suffering as well. Though not in the way I used to believe.

I used to believe those not so good feelings with scary thoughts and scenarios, meant that something was seriously wrong with me or life in the moment, and I needed to analyze and figure it out as quick as possible.

Maybe it’s looked that way to you too?

Now what I see is that those uncomfortable feelings, emotions, thoughts and scenarios are like the ruts on the edge of the highway that alert us when we are drifting off the road – they let us know we’ve gone off course.  Those uncomfortable feelings are present to alert us to NOT trust or take too seriously the thoughts, feelings and stories that are showing up in the moment.

… what if we paused instead, in those moments and waited for better feeling thoughts and ideas to show up and guide us?

What I keep seeing is, there is a beautiful, deeper intelligence that supports all life and there are ways through even the most difficult seeming experiences. Feelings of despair and hopelessness are guides from our deeper wisdom letting us know we are seeing life through a distorted lens and have innocently gone off course.

It’s like riding a motorcycle and getting caught in a storm. Motorcyclists know that the best thing to do when that happens is to pull over, find a dry spot if they can and let the storm pass. Once the storm passes they’ll have clear conditions to enjoy and navigate their ride again.

What if your innate wisdom/intelligence works the same way when you pause and get out of the way?

What if, when you’re in the storm of uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and emotions it’s best to wait for it to pass, knowing that you’ll have clearer helpful, fresh ideas that are perfect for whatever you need in the moment when you wait for your inner skies to clear …

This past weekend I went to a fabulous conference in California. It was about understanding our ‘true nature’.

I won’t go into all the details now, but it had me reflecting on the ‘one big thing’ that I’ve come to understand deeply that has changed my life.

I know it probably sounds dramatic to put it that way, but understanding this one thing has helped me feel more love, contentment, and wellbeing on a regular basis no matter what is happening around me.

That ‘one big thing’ is this: Real wisdom comes with a nice feeling.✨

The feeling isn’t always the same mind you … sometimes wisdom feels like relief, sometimes it feels like joy and other times it can feel like a calm clarity, but no matter how it specifically shows up in the moment it always has a good feeling.

We all have wisdom within us – it’s our true nature.

“When found, wisdom cleanses the channels of the mind and acts like a penicillin for the soul.”
– Sydney Banks, The Enlightened Gardener Revisited

Understanding what true wisdom feels like and what it doesn’t feel like has been a priceless gift to me.

It has changed my life in the most beautiful way. Now when I have unhelpful thinking pop into my mind (like unhelpful thinking does for all humans) I know I don’t have to take it seriously.

Why don’t I have to take it seriously? Because it doesn’t feel good and I remember that if it were my true wisdom showing up to guide me in the moment, to clarity about myself, others, or the world around me, that it would come with an nice  feeling.

That’s what feelings do for us, they help alert us to the quality of our thinking in each moment and what to trust or not to trust.

As always, don’t take my word for it … consider what I’ve shared and see what resonates with you.

If you’re interested, you can learn more about your own innate wisdom and wellbeing in the, What If? Solutions Program, that I’m offering with my beloved friend and colleague, Melissa Wirt.

The program starts on Wednesday, April 17th – we’d love to have you join us if it feels good! 😊

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” ~ Anais Nin

In the last blog post that I shared, I presented an inside-out understanding of life that I’ve found super helpful to me and those I work with.

The basic gist is that we experience life through the lens of thoughts that are moving through our mind in each moment and not directly from circumstances.

If we are stuck in traffic (a circumstance) and the lens of thoughts that show up are about how much we are enjoying the music we’re listening to than we will feel enjoyment.

If we are stuck in traffic and the lens of thought that shows up is about how stupid it is that there aren’t more lanes on the highway then we will feel frustrated.

Thoughts create feelings and subsequently the way we experience life in the moment – not the circumstances themselves.

Can you see the difference? In both scenarios above, the circumstance is the same, but the different way we experience it is created from the thought lens that shows up for us in the moment.

You may be thinking, “Great, that’s interesting, but why is knowing that helpful to me?”

It’s helpful because we often take our thinking very seriously, as if it’s the absolute truth and that our feelings are coming from life outside us, but in reality it’s not.

The thoughts that show up in our head are highly subjective and biased depending on what limiting beliefs show up in the moment. Or another way to think about it is that your mind is like a sports commentator, always giving its opinion and story about what you see throughout your day.

But its reports about your life and the world around you doesn’t necessarily equal the TRUTH. Not by a long shot.

The good news is our feelings and emotions are guides that help us to determine how accurately we are seeing life in the moment and how much we should trust the thought lens that is showing up. If we are feeling anxious, frustrated, or upset, it’s a pretty good indicator that our mind is stirred up and we should be cautious about believing what it’s telling us.

On the other hand, when we are feeling more relaxed and peaceful that’s an indicator that we can trust the thought lens that is present in the moment.

Please don’t take my word for it though, play around with it yourself.

Maybe like me, you’ll notice that thoughts that seem really true when you’re upset don’t seem so true or serious when you’re in a better frame of mind.

I’d love to hear what you’re seeing. Feel free to comment here or send me a note if you’d like to share or have questions.

If you find this post interesting and you’d like to learn more about the thought-feeling connection and how it shapes our life, please check out the What If? Program that my wonderful friend and colleague, Melissa Wirt, and I are offering in August – we’d love to have you join us!

There’s a good chance you may find this understanding about life, that I’m about to share with you, a wee bit irritating.

It certainly annoyed me when I first heard it. But it also resonated with me and felt like home – like peace. And that last part is what moves me to share it with you.

The understanding I speak of goes something like this:

At our core, the spirit of who we are is love, clarity, peace, wisdom and wellbeing. Always.

AND how we experience life is directly related to what we are thinking and feeling in each moment and not as a direct result of the circumstances or events that are happening outside of us.

Here’s a personal example that always pops into my mind when I’m wanting to illustrate how this premise works.  A couple of years after my father died I was struggling with overwhelming depression and anxiety. One snowy afternoon I noticed my mother out in the hilly, pine tree lined fields near our house snowshoeing.

My mind immediately filled with thoughts like, “How awful that my mother is out there by herself. She must be feeling sad and lonely.  Why is life so unfair? Why did my father have to die right as my parents were moving into their ‘golden years’?”

As these thoughts ran through my mind, I felt more and more depressed and flooded with worry that my mother was all alone and that life was bleak. Clearly I needed to do something to help alleviate her suffering.

Funny thing is, it turns out that my mother was having a wonderful time.

She called a while later and was full of joy sharing with me about her snowshoeing excursion. I can still vividly recall the beautiful lightness emanating from her as she conveyed how fun it was and how good it felt to be trekking around in the fresh air.

With this new understanding of how life works it becomes clear to me that my depressed, anxious, worried feelings weren’t coming from outside of me.

They were coming from the very sad narrative I was telling myself about my mother. She was having a fabulous day – out there. The not fabulous day was created – inside me – via my moment to moment thinking – my spinning mind and the meaning I gave to it – that’s all.  

As I’ve played around with this understanding – that we experience life from the inside out – I notice that I’m less and less afraid of the unknowns in life. There is freedom in knowing that the outside world doesn’t control my wellbeing.

It allows more space for that always well part of me to shine through with creative solutions and ideas for whatever shows up in life.

And the anxiety and worry I feel at times doesn’t seem quite as compelling. I feel more in flow and my fluctuating moods and thoughts don’t seem as significant, because I know they are just energy moving through me and I don’t have to hold onto them and take them for THE truth.      

But don’t take my word for it. Play around with this understanding for yourself. See if you can detect any truth to it.

In the upcoming, What If? Program, I’m offering with my friend and colleague, Melissa Wirt, we explore this understanding of life further and the role our thinking plays in unwanted habits. If you’re interested we’d love to have you join us.   

Back in March my wise and dear sister encouraged me to watch Simon Sinek’s inspiring TEDx talk, “Start with Why.”

I am so thankful she did. At the time I was floundering around in my business like a fish that’s stayed too long in the shallow water as the tide recedes. I was having trouble connecting to the current of where I wanted to go.I was beyond frustrated—I wanted to be connecting with all you lovely colorful people who, like me, want to live in ways that honor and delight the soul.

“People don’t buy what you do, people buy why you do it.” ~ Simon Sinek

Simon posits that why you do what you do is connected to what you believe is most precious, valuable, and important in life.

Once I was able to clarify what I believe about my coaching practice and why I believe it’s valuable, then connecting the dots of my business “what” became almost effortless.

You may be wondering why I’m sharing this with you—especially if you don’t have a business that you’re trying to get clear on. The reason I’m sharing is that I believe understanding what’s important to you and what you value helps you to make supportive choices and then take actions that are in alignment with your soul’s purpose and desires.

The “take action” part is just as important as the knowing what you believe part—even if the action to be taken in any given moment is a “non-action” like resting or letting something be.

Best of all, it feels good to have your beliefs and actions in alignment—and what’s better than that?! Here’s a snippet of what I discovered about my “whys” and what I believe:

I believe sharing the gift of who we are with the world is a blessing.

I believe our mind, body, and spirit are all connected and work together: they all need tending.

I believe when you follow what delights your soul the world expands.

I believe boundaries are important: they create a safe container for us to move and create in the world.

I believe the experience of being alive is about honoring who we are—including our full range of emotions and experiences.

I believe connecting with nature and animal symbolism is a fun way to trigger and channel helpful insights.

I believe when we follow our truth it sets us free—and our truth isn’t static; it can shift and change.

I believe our bodies and emotions have a tremendous amount of information that can help us to make decisions that reflect our values.

I believe in being open and curious about new possibilities.

I believe love is everywhere.

Getting clear has made it easier for me to reach and connect with like-minded people. It’s also helped me to see that I needed to show up in ways that truly reflect what inspires me.

What are your “whys”?

Why do you believe what you do?

Why do you believe certain values are important to living a soulful life?

I’ll give you a little tip about connecting with your true values. Notice how you feel in your body when you connect to each value you list. If you feel free, open, and expansive when you connect to one, then it’s most likely a true value. If you feel tense, tight, and constricted when you connect to a value, then it’s most likely not a true value.

Sometimes we adopt values that society, our parents, and/or our friends say are good or “right” and we never check to see if they are really important and valuable to our soul. Have fun exploring and feel free to share what you notice here, or send me a note if you have any questions.